GENERAL Archives - Sarah Wiesendanger

Stress Relief Workshop Proves Positive

December’s Stress Review Workshop

What struck me at the start of this workshop as people introduced themselves, was just how many reasons we have to be stressed in our lives these days. In fact, I began to wonder how any of us cope at all. But, also right from the beginning, as everyone told their story, I heard how resilient they were, and how creative they found were in finding a path through their situations.

This ability to be adaptable, and also to support each other, only became more obvious as the evening went on. But, the most wonderful thing of all, was the humour people brought, despite their stresses and anxieties. To these remarkable qualities, the workshop added reliable, research-tested techniques that everyone can use to begin developing a state of greater calm no matter what challenging situations life throws at us.

On top of this, it gave the participants the opportunity to tease out their individual thought processes which worsen their stress, and to change them for more helpful ones.

The last part of the evening was given to conflict resolution and communication skills for stressful interactions with others, whether at work or at home.

As the facilitator, it was wonderful to work with such an inspiring group; thank you.

“Thank you for a great evening. I learnt such a lot, and felt so supported by the other people in the group.” Amy

“Before the workshop, I had been thinking that I would have to quit my job, it was just too stressful. Now, I’m coping much better, and am even beginning to enjoy it.” Keith

You can see more testimonials here.

To find out about our next stress workshop, please get in touch with Sarah:

Telephone: 07912 357 366

Email: swiesendanger@googlemail.com

You can also book online.

More than Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a wonderful technique. In therapeutic circles, it is very much in fashion, and an enormous amount of research has been done on it, showing that regular practise significantly reduces fatigue and depression, hypertension, stress and anxiety, the perception of pain, fear and anger; and that it also significantly increases a sense of both physical and psychological wellbeing, sense of oneness and connection, empathy, focus and concentration, and improves the quality of our relationships.

For maintaining general health and quality of life, it seems to be every bit as important as exercise and our five-a-day.

However, in a therapeutic context, it is generally taught with a positive exclusion of spirituality to avoid alienating those who have had negative religious experiences, and in deference to our predominantly secular society.

While this is understandable, I think there has been a tendency to throw the baby out with the bath-water. Studies show that certain qualities traditionally cultivated within a religious context are good for both our psychological and physical health. Those of us who have a disposition for forgiveness have an increased resilience to stress and greater mental and physical health (Journal of Health Psychology, 2014, doi: 10.1177/1359105314544132). Compassion and gratitude have similar health benefits.

Consciously developing these traits, and consciously expressing and directing them towards ourselves as well as others, can greatly improve our mindfulness practice.

Being Resilient

BEING RESILIENT

For many of us, life is pretty good a lot of the time; but, for all of us, there are times when it’s really tough. And when those rough times hit, it’s good to know that we can cope, isn’t it?

So, what can we do to improve our chances?

According to Dr Aaron Antonovsky, an Israeli medical sociologist, when faced with extreme stress, it’s important that we face the situation with a sense of coherence. This involves having the belief that our challenge is meaningful, in some way manageable, and also understandable, even if it seems somewhat chaotic.

Dr Suzanne Kobasa from City University, New York, has added three more traits to the resilient personality. She is convinced that if we face our troubles with commitment, a willingness to be challenged, and a determination to take control, we will be well-equipped to withstand life’s mean deals.

Does this all sound quite a lot to ask? Especially during those times when setback after setback seems to roll our way? Well, the good new is that we can develop and nurture these qualities, very simply as we go about our everyday lives, and it’s even fun to do as well.

All it demands of us is to start developing a real curiosity about our lives. As you do this, include as many different aspects and people as you can, even the ones you find boring or irritating. And be open-hearted in your response to these things. Curiosity and enthusiasm are wonderfully creative qualities which produce a spin-off of many other great qualities by the by – such as as a sense of meaningfulness, whole-hearted commitment, comprehension, willingness to cope with challenge, an ability to take control….In other words, a developed resilience to whatever difficulties may come our way.

And, when we know that we have what it takes to ride out the rough times, we can feel calmer, more confident and, yes, happier too, can’t we?

Some Truths about Anti-Depressant Medication

SOME TRUTHS BEHIND ANTI-DEPRESSANT MEDICATION

Worldwide, depression is the second leading cause of disability behind heart disease, and it is the most common psychological disorder. It’s growth rate is so great that there is 10 times more depression in people born after 1945 than before. This implies that depression cannot be a

There’s a commonly held belief that depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance within the brain; specifically that there is a deficiency of the neurotransmitter serotonin, and anti-depressant medication is given in an attempt to address this problem. However, while it is possible to measure blood levels of serotonin, researchers are still unable to assess the level of serotonin present in the brain. Also, researchers do not yet understand how anti-depressants actually work.

This means that they are prescribed in order to address a deficiency that nobody actually knows exists and that even should it exist, they don’t how the medication works.

What research does show is that exercise is as effective as anti-depressants in treating depression. Even one twenty-minute session already shows benefits. Mindfulness is also a highly effective technique that has been proven to resolve depression and guard against recurring episodes, as is quite simply being outdoors in the countryside (ecotherapy). These three treatments have no side-effects, whereas common side-effects of anti-depressants include: nausea, increased appetite and weight gain, loss of sexual desire and other sexual problems, drowsiness and fatigue, insomnia, and, yes, suicidal thoughts.

Research also shows that when you take anti-depressants, your brain responds by reducing its own receptors, making itself less sensitive to serotonin. This means that, at best, the medication only alleviates your symptoms, and does nothing to actually cure your depression. Once you come off the medication, you are in no better a situation than before you took it.

However, both mindfulness and ecotherapy work directly on lifting your depression and on increasing your output of feel-good hormones by decreasing your anxiety, stilling your mind, and giving you a sense of purpose and belonging in the community.

Sarah runs regular mindfulness courses, and an ongoing ecotherapy programme. To find out more, or book a place, please call Sarah on 07912 357 366.

Feeling Stressed? You are not Alone

If you are suffering from stress, you are not alone. In fact, according to an online survey, stress is such a common condition that it’s tweeted about every two seconds, making 50,000 tweets every day. Family concerns are the most frequent stressors discussed on Twitter, but body image and sleep issues are also often talked about. Worries about eating habits seem to be bigger than those about smoking, drugs, or alcohol put together, but that may have more to do with social acceptability than with concern about the issue itself. Depression is the medical condition most discussed on Twitter.

Although stress, anxiety and depression often seem to have a life of their own, controlling us rather than being controlled by us, but the good news is that there are some really good techniques out there to overcome them. Mindfulness and meditation have been shown to have a significant impact on reducing and eliminating all three, while EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and energy psychology can also be highly effective. The good thing about all of these methods is that, once you have mastered a few basic skills, you have the tools to maintain your own emotional self-management and wellbeing.

Sarah runs regular, ongoing mindfulness meditation courses, and is an experienced EFT practitioner working with clients on a one-to-one basis. If you would like to find out more, please use the contact form, or call 07912 357 366.

Finding Meaning in Adversity

I was on my way to pick up my niece and switched on the radio. Kate Adie was introducing the next report from “Our Correspondent” who then proceeded to describe her recent visit to the Medicine Sans Frontier hospital in Aleppo, where she had met a 5-year-old victim of the Syrian conflict.

Unable to walk for a year, still needing a hip replacement, and with an inoperable piece of shrapnel in his brain causing a degree of paralysis, this young boy is an inspiration to both children and adults alike. A huge grin, kind eyes, and grit determination propel him forwards in his life. He seems to be living proof of the maxim: “it’s not what happens to you and around you, it’s what happens within you that matters”. But, as easy as that may be to say, just how does a child who has lost his mother and his health to war manage to actually live it?

And yet somehow, despite all that he has endured, this little guy has managed to find a way to still be open to joy, hope and love; to meaning and purpose in his life.

Working with military veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress, seeing how the effects of war follow them home to tear apart their peace and civilian life, I am very saddened by the cruelty and pain people inflict on each other, by how so many lives are ruined, and by how the shock waves of these traumas ripple outwards through family, friends, and whole communities. But while there is no denying the incalculable cost of war, there are also stories such as that of our 5-year-old Syrian, who will, for me, always be an unending inspiration, reminding me of the heights to which the human heart can soar.

A picture of him now looks out at me from my laptop – that big grin, those kind eyes – urging me many times a day to grow my heart as big as his.

Ageing with Equanimity

Dementia and Alzheimer’s are much in the public consciousness at the present. As people live longer, we are more aware of these conditions, perhaps experiencing them directly through our friends or loved ones. Perhaps we see their fear and confusion, and dread that that should happen to us.

Of course, there are things that we can do to reduce the likelihood of cognitive deterioration becoming our reality. We can learn new skills, exercise, eat a healthy diet, and give up smoking. And sometimes still unwelcome changes occur in our bodies and brains as we age.

But, for those who do develop it, dementia doesn’t have to be a frightening nightmare. Practising meditation in our younger and/or middle years, can be an invaluable tool for ageing with grace and equanimity. Meditation teacher Shinzen Young describes how it is for the Buddhist masters he met in Asia: “Does an enlightened person become senile? Sure. But it doesn’t look the same, it doesn’t feel the same. There is a palpable sense of grace and beauty in the dysfunction that is not present typically.” The meditators’ minds may have become confused, but they do not suffer as a consequence.

This is because, through their meditation practice, they have developed a wider and more open consciousness that enables them to surrender to the wisdom of insecurity, to be content with the freedom and spontaneity this offers.

As Young says, ageing “can make you frail and freaked out, or it can make you fluid and thinned out.” If, as we meditate, we are accustomed to sitting in open awareness, with equanimity and acceptance, we have a better chance of welcoming with grace whatever our older age may hold.

Taking a Fresh Look: How well do you really know your partner?

The author, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, once commented in an interview that he was so accustomed to his wife that he had become aware that he hardly knew her at all. Because it’s easy, isn’t it, to not give our full attention to the familiar and everyday relationship? Sometimes, in fact, we can give more attention to our own stories and assumptions about each other, than to what we’d really observe if only we were to really look – without judgement, criticism, or blame – to really listen – beneath the inaccuracy of words.

This kind of clear seeing takes concentrated focus. But it also takes time. It can’t be done, without practise, amidst the rush of the everyday. A Western journalist, wanting to interview a tribe leader from South America, was asked if the leader could get to know him a little bit first. When the two sat down together, the journalist assumed he’d be asked about his past, his work. What actually happened was that the leader looked into his eyes for two hours straight. After initial intense discomfort, the journalist left the encounter convinced that he’d never been so intimate with anyone else.

Through the length of your relationship with your partner, for how long have you held their gaze; taken the time to settle into their company with a clear-seeing silence?

Keeping the Slate Clean – Forgiveness as Stress-Buster

“Forgiving is the most selfish thing you can do.” Hearing that from Caroline Myss certainly made me stop and think. And when I pass it on to my clients, they invariably look at me as if I’m not quite to be trusted.

Because usually we see ourselves as big-hearted and giving when we forgive, sensing it as a gift to the other person. And yet, if we don’t forgive, we don’t move on. The person who we feel has wronged us, still has power over us because their action, in part, prescribes who we are today. We continue to suffer.

When two Second World War veterans met many years after being released from a Japanese prisoner of war camp, the one asked the other if he had forgiven their captors. “No. I shall never forgive them.” “Oh”, said the first, “so they still have you imprisoned, then.”

Breaking free, involves forgiving which, of course, is not the same as condoning. We can forgive, and also make an intention that we will not allow that transgression to be visited on us, or indeed anyone else, again. It reminds me of the old saying: “kind [to yourself, by forgiving], but firm [in maintaining to your boundaries]”.

Freeing yourself from Depression

People commonly describe depression in a number of ways: as a black cloud that accompanies them everywhere; a fog from which it’s impossible to see out; like being stuck within a cave or cage. What’s common to all of these descriptions is the conviction or fear that they cannot escape. And, because human brains are programmed to fulfil expectations, many people do indeed remain trapped by depression for many weeks, months, or even years.

And yet it is possible to free yourself from depression quite quickly by following a few simple steps.

The first and most important step is to nurture hope, and form the expectation that it will happen. Finding stories of others who have had an experience similar to yours, but found their way out of the tunnel quickly, can provide inspiration. My clients typically have four to six sessions to get the better of depression.

Secondly, learning to relax is fundamental. Although people often feel listless and unmotivated when depression has got hold of them, their minds are working overtime, playing out anxious thoughts. There are many relaxation techniques available from guided visualisation to yoga, or meditation. If none of these work for you, a counsellor experienced in working with anxiety and depression will be able to help.

At this stage, it may also be helpful to resolve any trauma you may feel around a previous period of depression. One session of therapy will, more often than not, be sufficient for this.

Thirdly, working to get all your emotional needs* (not wants or desires) met is key. Once our emotional needs are met, it just isn’t possible to be depressed.

* Emotional needs:

Feeling safe and secure

Intimacy (not necessarily sexual, but a relationship with at least one other person in which you can just be yourself)

Giving and receiving attention

Privacy

Sense of meaning and purpose

Sense of challenge

Sense of achievement

Facing Your Fear

When we’re ruled by our fear, everyday life can feel a bit like walking a tightrope over a bottomless pit. It’s a hell of a balancing act. And it’s absolutely exhausting; it takes up so much energy, so much mental focus.

But often the advice we get given is to push through our fear. We’re told that the more we do that, the easier it will become – basically because we will have anaesthetised ourselves to, or dissociated from, those painful feelings.

This may work to a certain extent. We may achieve whatever it is that we were fearful of doing. But we haven’t actually dealt with the emotion of fear, meaning that when another scary situation arises, we are no better able to handle our feelings.

A more sophisticated and mindful approach, is to get to know and understand your fear, and to develop a compassionate and non-judgemental relationship with it. When you do this, through meditation or contemplation, you may find that the fear has something valuable to teach you – about yourself or the situation within which you find yourself, making your judgement more refined and your subsequent actions better adapted to your goals. You may also find the fear transforming into a more comfortable emotion, once it’s been heard and attended to.

Pushing through your fear cuts you off from yourself and from your own inner wisdom. Attending to your fear with loving kindness and an open mind, gives you access to your deep knowing.

Enhancing Your Life-Energy

What proportion of your life do you spend engaged in activities that are life-enhancing? You know the ones. The kind that, when you’ve finished, you’re fizzing with energy and joy, ready to laugh and love, walking on air.

Is half your day spent doing things like that? The whole of your day, none of a typical day?

You might think it unrealistic to expect that too great a proportion of your life can be spent doing what you really love. You might think life is just too full of chores and duties, that to focus on what you want to do all the time would simply be selfish? But is it really?

In creating a more life-enhancing daily pattern, many of my clients find it helpful to go back to the basics. They find it helpful to spend time working out a clear life philosophy and value system that is meaningful to them, that gives them a sense of greater purpose and self-respect; a life philosophy and value system which does not depend on looking to others for approval or appreciation, but that really chimes with their own true nature…

…And then my clients check their daily activities against these values and beliefs. Do they fit or not? In what way can those that don’t be replaced with ones that do?

When we live according to our own values, in a way that gives us a sense of greater purpose, we usually find that even the unpleasant tasks are life-enhancing. We know why we are doing them and, in the greater scheme of things, we are pleased we are doing them because they are an expression of our true nature. They fulfil the larger meaning of our lives, and there is nothing more truly joyful than that.