Meditation Archives - Sarah Wiesendanger

Why Mediation Counselling Is Key For Helping All Sides – Including Lawyers – In Domestic Disputes

“The trouble began when Mark got a new boss at work. That’s when the bullying began and when the work started piling up but I mean really piling up. Mark said he would frequently still be at the office at 10 at night.

“This was fine with his wife, Emma, for the first few months. After that the strain of coping with her own job, with the children, and with ageing parents soon became too much.”

Sarah Wiesendanger is describing one of the latest cases she’s been involved with. Sarah is an experienced counsellor, based near Guildford, Surrey specialising in divorce counselling in domestic legal disputes.

She’s seen situations like Mark and Emma’s escalating out of control many times before.

The names have been changed to protect her clients’ identities.

Nose-dived

Sarah says the the bullying Mark was experiencing had been taken up a notch – his self-confidence had nose-dived. So much so that he felt too ashamed to share his problems with Emma. He became sullen and withdrawn, and feeling insecure and exhausted, Emma soon started taking her frustration out on Mark.

“Mark was getting it in the neck at work and at home; Emma was being stretched to breaking point with expectations in so many areas of life. The children were becoming more needy and fearful because of the rows at home.

“That’s when Mark met Belinda, and fell headlong in love. As a younger woman, without children, she was able to give Mark all the attention that he needed, and he started to thrive again, making things at home easier with fewer arguments, and the children settling down. Emma felt a huge sense of relief.

“But then Belinda wanted to take her relationship with Mark further and so after a great weekend away, just the two of them together, Mark sat Emma down and announced that he was moving out and wanted a divorce.”

Sarah takes a long sip of coffee.

“Emma’s world completely caved in. The shock was immense. After months of struggle, she thought things had been getting better. In the days following Mark’s departure, Emma couldn’t sleep, she started to suffer from nightmares, and experience debilitating nightmares; the children’s schoolwork and friendships began to suffer. And that’s when she came to see me.

“The mediation sessions at their solicitors had been pointless. Neither side were listening – and both Mark and Emma had, at times, walked out of the room or shouted at each other. The sessions were getting them nowhere. It was becoming a waste of time not only for the couple but also for their legal teams. The costs were mounting up and nothing was being resolved.”

Mediation

Sarah was able to calm the situation down and progress quickly began to be made.

“Using a highly effective and very simple technique I was able to resolve Emma’s panic attacks and nightmares in the first few sessions. I also taught her some reliable stress management methods – she soon started to sleep better and began to gain a clearer perspective on her situation.”

Sarah says she then subsequently worked on helping the couple to negotiate a new relationship so that they could continue to parent effectively together and work out family arrangements that gave the children a sense of safety and love.

“As the divorce process continued, the counselling sessions were a valuable place in which Emma could work through her feelings of abandonment, grief, anger, fear and hopelessness. This meant that these difficult emotions didn’t leak out so much at home in front of the children, or in her new relationship with Mark.

“Once the divorce came through, the final stage of my work focused on creating a new future for Emma and learning from her marriage with Mark so that she didn’t encounter the same pitfalls in a new relationship.”

Benefit To Family Lawyers

Sarah believes that more family lawyers are beginning to realise that they need to take a more compassionate approach when dealing with relationship breakups. Often they find it helpful to access out-of-house specialised divorce counselling, which is where Sarah comes in. Sarah works with legal teams not only in Surrey but also London.

“When resolutions are dealt with in a calm manner, it actually makes mediating easier for all involved including the lawyers involved. Often I am being called in too late but if I can become involved it makes everyone’s lives easier.

Sarah would be happy to talk to anyone needing her help.

“I would like to partner more with family lawyers – it means that I can start helping to resolve situations before cases like Mark and Emma’s escalate out of control.

To find out how Sarah can help with mediation counselling in Surrey and London please get in touch: 07912 357 366 Email: swiesendanger@googlemail.com Skype: shaw.wiesendanger

Sarah was talking to journalist Tim Mitchell.

How Counselling Helps with Five Addictions

We all lead difficult lives. Pressures of work, family and lifestyle can sometimes find us struggling to deal with certain situations and lead to addiction as a way of coping. Whether it’s you that’s experiencing the addiction or you are the friend or loved one of a person that has a developed an addiction, counselling can help discover the root of the issue and offer some solutions. Finding great counselling in Surrey will show you how you can move forward.

If you are experiencing addiction,by reading this you are taking the first step in getting rid of your addiction. When we become set in our ways and focused just on our own feelings, we may not be aware of the impact of our actions on others. Depending on your addiction, you may be taking the risk of financial ruin, permanent health issues or even death. It’s vital that you consider the effect that your addiction is having on your friends and loved ones. You may be surprised at just how concerned are of those that care about you.

There are many different types of physical and psychological addictions that can affect a person at any time. Identifying these possibilities is only the beginning but this means that the person experiencing these situations is hopefully on the start of the road to recovery.

Alcohol Abuse

When an individual has gone further than binge drinking; relying on alcohol to get them through strains of life, this may mean that they have developed, or are developing, an alcohol dependency syndrome. If untreated, alcoholism can affect every part of the body, with the potential to cause death. As any addiction, it’s common for a person to hide or ignore the fact that they are struggling.

Drug Addiction

If you are struggling with drug addiction, you may be unlikely to be aware of the impact it’s having on you and those closest to you. It may not be that you are continually physically dependent; however drugs can have both a damaging effect on your health and your attitude to your loved ones. Talking with an experienced professional on a one to one basis can help to find out the trigger behind your addiction and ways to overcome it.

Eating Disorders

There is such pressure in the media to be the perfect size and shape. For some people this can become a living nightmare. Not just affecting young girls, eating disorders can be experienced by men and women of any age. Counselling can help both the individual that is being affected in addition to their family members who may also be experiencing difficulty with coming to terms with their loved one’s illness.

Gambling Addiction

We live in an easy world. The introduction of the Internet has made it incredibly simple for people to gamble at any time of the day or night – without anyone knowing what you are doing. Before you know it, the threat of financial ruin can be upon you. Talking with a counsellor can help to tackle the reasons behind your addiction and how to deal with this problem.

Shopping Addiction

For some this may seem a trivial addiction. However if it has got to a stage where your urge to shop is taking over your life, it may be time to visit a counsellor. He or she will be able to help you identify the cause for your addiction in the first place and plan for a way to transform your life so that it’s no longer an issue.

Breaking Free with Meditation

When the escape artist Houdini was at the height of his fame, he was billed to perform in an Irish town. His challenge was to break free of both a strait jacket and the prison cell in which he’d been placed. The jacket was easy, but eventually he had to admit defeat over the cell door. He asked the jailor whether there was some new fancy lock. “No,” said the jailor, “I just didn’t lock the door.” Houdini had been working from an unexamined assumption, which proved to be false, and so he had been continually locking himself in. Without taking a fresh perspective, it was impossible for him to break free.

ALLOWING A WIDER FOCUS OF THOUGHT…

Like Houdini, our viewpoint can sometimes be too narrowly focused, perhaps because we are so intent on blocking out unwanted information or thoughts. Yet this selective approach to our thought-process, rather than keeping us free of unpleasant feelings, binds us to them tighter. If we are able to allow a wider focus that encompasses any thoughts and feelings, they have more space to both come and go. This, combined with a lack of judgement or prejudice, makes it more possible for us to come upon solutions.

This shift in our thinking habits takes conscious practice. Leaving our mind to its own devices may allow it to be rather like Mohini, a tiger from the DC national zoo in the States. For several years she had been kept in a small compound where she had continually trodden the same path of 15 metres forwards and backwards, forwards and backwards. So ingrained was this habit, and so used was she to being hemmed in, that when she was released into a far bigger enclosure, she created a 15-metre path, and continued to tread only that path.

MEDITATION CAN PROVIDE A SOLUTION…

Meditation can be a way to teach ourselves to both widen our focus and allow a free flow of thoughts that have no judgement attached to them. Being non-judgemental allows for more possibilities and prevents us from getting too attached to one way of thinking.

HEART MEDITATION…

Find a place to sit that is quiet and where you will not be disturbed. Sit with arms and legs uncrossed, and back straight; whilst it’s important to be comfortable, it’s also important to be alert and fully awake. Take a few deep breaths, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, allowing each out breath to be a real letting go breath.

Place your attention on your heart with the intention of allowing it to remain soft and open. Imagine, envision, sense in any way that you can, that you are breathing through your heart. Allow, with an easy acceptance, any thoughts or feelings to easily come and go. Soften to, and breathe through, any painful emotions. Often our instinct is to harden against unpleasantness, as a protection. However, if we can welcome and befriend it, we often find that our experiences of joy, pleasure, peace and love are greater; hardening against one set of sensations automatically hardens us against its opposite set, and vice versa.

If you are new to meditation, five minutes may be sufficient for this meditation. It is more important to do it regularly, than to do a long practice only occasionally. Once meditation has become a part of your routine, you may want to gradually lengthen each practice.

If you would like to join an eight-week meditation programme, please visit my Events and Programmes page, or contact me for details of the next course.