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Move Forward with Counselling

We all find times in our lives when there are more challenges than positives.  Although we have inbuilt coping mechanisms to handle these tough times, sometimes we need some extra support to rediscover how best to use them.  At times like this it may be well worthwhile consulting an experienced counsellor in Surrey.  They will be able to talk you through any issues that you are struggling with and use various techniques to help combat any difficulties.

Emotional pain can be just as real as physical pain.  Through gentle psychotherapy techniques you can find ways to move forward and feel emotionally strong again.   If you’re looking to move forward with counselling, it’s important to find a therapist with whom you can feel at ease, as you may well be discussing very private and inner thoughts.

1. Sleep

Difficulty sleeping can have a profound effect on our lives. It can impact on our moods, our relationships, our motivation and focus, and on our health both in the short- and long-term. If you’re having sleep problems, counselling can help you get to the root cause of your difficulty and give you relaxation techniques to promote healthier sleeping patterns.

2.  Lack of Focus

There are many reasons why you may find life a struggle.  Sometimes it can be difficult to find your focus, whether on work or at a personal level.  Speaking with an experienced counsellor can help guide you back to discovering your direction in life.

3.  Confidence

It’s natural to experience a lack of confidence after a difficult event in your life.  But, perhaps you’ve always struggled with your self-confidence.  Talking through these issues and looking for ways to increase your self-esteem are areas in which counselling can particularly help you to move forward and transform your life.

4.  Relationship

If you’re finding that communication is an issue within your relationship, couples counselling can be a supportive way to initiate talking between you.  Having someone outside of your relationship who is entirely independent can help as a sounding board.  This will give each of you the opportunity to express how you are feeling and how you wish your relationship to change. Couples counselling can also be invaluable in guiding you through a relationship separation which enables you both to move forward in as positive a way as is possible.

5.  Stress Counselling

If stress is taking over your life it may impact you physically as well as emotionally. Some of the physical symptoms of stress are: headaches, high blood pressure, and IBS, so it’s important to manage the triggers that are causing it. Because stress can also cloud our thinking, it can make a huge difference talking with an independent counsellor who is able to help you relax so that you can regain your clear thinking in order to make the changes that may be necessary in your life.

 6.  Redundancy

Long-term job security at work is no longer a guarantee.  If, perhaps, you’ve worked at a location for many years, you may find it incredibly difficult to accept the changes that are now affecting your life.  Talking with an accredited counsellor will help you to look at how your new life situation will affect you.  Equally, talking through your thoughts may even help you to realise any opportunities that you may now be able to achieve through a new start.

7.  Depression

Everyone has low feelings from time to time.  However, sometimes these can develop into depression.  This is certainly an area where counselling can help to provide invaluable reassurance and support.  Depression can generate both physical and emotional symptoms. Counselling can be incredibly beneficial to actually seek and move beyond the root of your depression. Knowing that you are not alone and that help is available is very important.

8.  Life Changes

Change in life is something that some people find easier than others.  Counselling can help you to accept these changes and to find the gifts and opportunities within them.  Perhaps you have retired, lost your job, moved to a new part of the country,  – this may be a great opportunity for you to achieve things in life that you’ve not had the time to do previously.  Alternatively, you may have experienced a change within your relationship to which you are finding it difficult to adjust. But, if you’re finding it difficult to cope, meeting with a counsellor can help you find ways to move forward.    It may be that you need to seek a longer course of therapy to help support you on a weekly basis.

9.  Weight Management

If you are experiencing problems with your weight, a therapist will be able to help you talk through your issues and ways to overcome them. Whether you are looking to lose or gain weight, the reassurance of a sympathetic counsellor will provide you with invaluable support.  It may be that you or a family member is struggling with an extreme weight issue that has developed into anorexia or bulimia.  Any such issue needs to be handled with extreme sensitivity.

10.  Family Support

Communication can become incredibly difficult, at times, within a family situation.  You may find it beneficial to consult a counsellor if you are struggling to deal with a particular situation relating to your children.   Parenting is not easy, it’s certainly one of the toughest jobs and sometimes it can be difficult to find ways to cope, no matter what the age of your child.  Different ages can generate different issues.  Finding support through therapy can help you to realise that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for help.

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Top tip for re-connecting with your passion and life purpose

If you woke up one morning recently and realised that there’s not a lot in your life that makes your heart sing, or if a similar realisation has been dawning on you gradually over a period of time – then this tip could help to turn things around. Our souls are a little like gardens: fed and watered, they blossom; with a harsh, dry wind of boredom, they quickly turn to desert.

A reliable indicator of how well you are nurtured is to notice how easily you become tired. If you’re living your dream, passionate about what you do, have a sense of meaning and purpose, your energy can be boundless.

But if that doesn’t describe your average day, then you may want to consider doing this:

Taking a pen and paper, write down the five things you loved doing most when you were a child. What was it about them that interested you most?

Now write down the five things that were most precious to you as a child. What meaning did they have for you?

As you remember these activities and things, what emotions come up for you? How does your heart respond?

Pick one thing from each list with which you can re-connect this week. How can you integrate them more permanently into your present life?

 

To work more fully with Sarah on your  passion and life purpose, contact her to discuss a bespoke life coaching programme.

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You’re Not Alone – Reasons for Troublesome Teens

Any parent of a teenager will recognise the challenges that are frequently experienced as children grow into young adults.  You may have been fortunate in not having had heated arguments so far, but if you have,this is only a natural behaviour that arises from boundaries being pushed and young people asserting themselves.  There may be many reasons why your young person is struggling with the onset of adulthood. Working with a qualified and experienced counsellor in Surrey, is a great opportunity for your family to discover the triggers for these outbursts and to learn how to handle them.

Stepfamilies

Family life does not always revolve around the two adults plus two children model.  Perhaps you have a new partner?  They may have children themselves.  Introducing new family members does not always run smoothly.  Counselling can help children to express their feelings and to understand what is happening in their family.  It’s important that children are given the opportunity for reassurance and to be heard.

School problems

As children move through their time at secondary school and college, they may face different types of difficulties and pressures. Exams, friendships and homework can be the cause of some of the stresses that your teenager may face.  It may be that you are struggling with truancy issues.  Could it be due to bullying or cyber-bullying?  Combine these stresses with your teenager’s developing hormones and you could have quite a task on your hands.  Family counselling will enable you all to talk through what’s troubling you and look at ways for you to work together to overcome these difficulties.

Divorce

One of the most difficult situations for teenagers to handle is when their parents separate.  Sometimes they feel  somehow that they are to blame; sometimes they don’t know how to react and communicate with each parent; sometimes organising the new living arrangements can be upsetting.  This is when counselling support can be invaluable.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a common yet serious problem that many teenagers face.  They can also be very good at hiding their worries. Rather than their telling you directly of their problems, you may notice that they become withdrawn or sullen, that they are unusually tired or disinterested, are suffering from regular stomachaches, headaches, or panic attacks.  Prolonged and extreme anxiety can develop into depression, so it is better to resolve it as quickly as possible.  Through careful counselling, teenagers can be given the vital support that they need.

Crime

If your teenager becomes involved with any form of crime or inappropriate behaviour, you may find the situation difficult to handle.  What is the best way to talk to your child in order to help them move forwards?  This is one of the most important times for you to find the courage to stand by your child and give them the support that they need.  Some parents may find this easier than others. A counsellor will help you to communicate and find ways to support your teen.  Family counselling can help to support you and the other members of your family.

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Relationships: conflict as perspective

I have been struck over the years how conflict in a relationship always comes down to the one thing: an unwillingness for each person to step into the other’s shoes, to really feel what it may be like to live their life, to be in the relationship from their perspective. We become attached to our version of events, so that whatever the other person may say or do gets slotted in to our storyline. And it’s not helped by the fact that our brains are programmed to fulfil our expectations, enabling the most unlikely scenario to be twisted to fit our way of seeing things.

Take Jill and John. John is gregarious and loud, when he has a grievance, however small, he doesn’t feel he’s expressed himself properly unless he’s really let off steam. Jill, on the other hand, is uncomfortable with strong emotions; she’s soft-spoken, and would never dream of confronting someone unless she felt that they had very seriously transgressed.  After being a couple of some years, their relationship is in trouble. Because of John’s loud and lavish style of arguing, Jill has lost confidence and feels that there must be something very wrong with her: he gets angry so quickly and so often; not liking confrontation, she emotionally retreats to protect herself. This doesn’t go well with John, who sees Jill at these times as cold and uncaring. Does she not mind that he’s upset?

But if both Jill and John were to listen out for, and sense what the other was really saying and expressing underneath their different styles of communication, the conflict would begin to dissolve. However, to go beyond their own way of seeing the world, Jill and John both need to have sufficient trust in each other’s basic goodness to use their imaginations and enter the other’s world. Then, it would become clear that, deep down, the message is the same on both sides: “Respect and understand me and my needs; love me”. It’s just that John shouts it out, and Jill whispers it from behind a wall of protection.

Sarah offers both relationship coaching for individuals and couples counselling. To book a session, or find out more, please contact Sarah.

 

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Top tip for healing

Getting a diagnosis of a serious illness can be a traumatic experience. And trauma has its own health risks. Unresolved, it can compromise the immune system because it can heighten the response of the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for producing stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones reduce the efficiency of the immune system.

However, there is a very simple therapeutic technique for healing trauma called the rewind. This has been shown to be enormously effective in treating both major traumas such as those experienced in war zones (cf www.ptsdresolution.org), as well as those from medical diagnoses. It also seems to get very good results helping people to move beyond much more insignificant “little ‘t'” traumas that we can all experience in our daily living.

So, in order to make the most of your medical treatment, a first good step can be to assess how you’re feeling about your diagnosis itself, and take the time to work through any trauma.

 

Sarah is trained in the rewind therapeutic technique. To make an appointment with her, or to discuss your situation with her, please contact Sarah.

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Focusing on the Future – Counselling for Cancer Patients

If you’ve experienced the trauma of cancer, now may be the time to start looking forward to getting your life back to normality.  Finding a sympathetic experienced counsellor based locally in Surrey can be a great support as you may find that you need to make adjustments following changes to your body and your feelings.  Both you and those closest to you may need reassurance to understand what you have been through and to find ways of coping with any emotional stress.

Physical Symptoms

The effect of drugs and surgery to your body may have left more than physical scars.  It may be that you need time to regain trust in your body.  There may be obvious physical symptoms such as scarring from surgery or hair loss following chemotherapy.  Whether you are male or female, these changes to your body can have a significant impact on your self-esteem.  Counselling can help by giving you the opportunity to talk through your feelings.

Effect on your Family

When a loved one in our family experiences cancer, it can affect others as well as the sufferer.  In particular children can be highly upset by the experience.  Children are very perceptive; even if you try to hide what is going on, they are often aware that something is wrong.  They may be scared, even if your cancer has been treated.  Family counselling can help children to feel secure and more importantly understand what has happened.

Self-Esteem Issues

If you have experienced cancer, you may be finding it difficult to come to terms with changes to your appearance; perhaps even to the extent that you may be feeling symptoms of withdrawal and depression.  Talking through your emotions and anxieties with a qualified and experienced counsellor can give you comfort in the knowledge that how you are feeling is entirely understandable.

Focusing on the Future

Once you have successfully finished your treatment, talking with a counsellor can help you to focus on the future.  You will need to decide how and when to continue with parts of your life that may have been put on hold during your treatment, or which elements of your life you want to completely re-fashion.

Types of Counselling

There are different types of counselling that will help you and your loved ones following cancer.  These may depend on a number of issues.  It’s also very important that you are comfortable with your chosen counsellor.  Finding a locally accredited HGI counselling practitioner in Surrey will help you with any feelings or concerns that you may have.  Some people like one-to-one counselling, others find that group counselling therapy can be a real comfort.  Listening to the experiences of others may be really beneficial.  As with any therapy though, it may not be suitable for everyone.  It’s important that you explore the possible options and make the counselling work for you.

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How Counselling Helps with Five Addictions

We all lead difficult lives.  Pressures of work, family and lifestyle can sometimes find us struggling to deal with certain situations and lead to addiction as a way of coping.  Whether it’s you that’s experiencing the addiction or you are the friend or loved one of a person that has a developed an addiction, counselling can help discover the root of the issue  and offer some solutions.  Finding great counselling in Surrey will show you how you can move forward.

If you are experiencing addiction,by reading this you are taking the first step in getting rid of your addiction.  When we become set in our ways and focused just on our own feelings, we may not be aware of the impact of our actions on others.  Depending on your addiction, you may be taking the risk of financial ruin, permanent health issues or even death.  It’s vital that you consider the effect that your addiction is having on your friends and loved ones.  You may be surprised at just how concerned are of those that care about you.

There are many different types of physical and psychological addictions that can affect a person at any time.  Identifying these possibilities is only the beginning but this means that the person experiencing these situations is hopefully on the start of the road to recovery.

Alcohol Abuse

When an individual has gone further than binge drinking; relying on alcohol to get them through strains of life, this may mean that they have developed, or are developing, an alcohol dependency syndrome.  If untreated, alcoholism can affect every part of the body, with the potential to cause death.  As any addiction, it’s common for a person to hide or ignore the fact that they are struggling.

Drug Addiction

If you are struggling with drug addiction, you may be unlikely to be aware of the impact it’s having on you and those closest to you.  It may not be that you are continually physically dependent; however drugs can have both a damaging effect on your health and your attitude to your loved ones.  Talking with an experienced professional on a one to one basis can help to find out the trigger behind your addiction and ways to overcome it.

Eating Disorders

There is such pressure in the media to be the perfect size and shape.  For some people this can become a living nightmare.  Not just affecting young girls, eating disorders can be experienced by men and women of any age.  Counselling can help both the individual that is being affected in addition to their family members who may also be experiencing difficulty with coming to terms with their loved one’s illness.

Gambling Addiction

We live in an easy world.  The introduction of the Internet has made it incredibly simple for people to gamble at any time of the day or night – without anyone knowing what you are doing.  Before you know it, the threat of financial ruin can be upon you.  Talking with a counsellor can help to tackle the reasons behind your addiction and how to deal with this problem.

Shopping Addiction

For some this may seem a trivial addiction.  However if it has got to a stage where your urge to shop is taking over your life, it may be time to visit a counsellor.  He or she will be able to help you identify the cause for your addiction in the first place and plan for a way to transform your life so that it’s no longer an issue.

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Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

We compartmentalise so much of our lives. We have our home life, and our work life, our social life, and our sex life. We get advice from an expert in this field, and then in that. And sometimes we forget to consider the whole, to notice the effect one area of our life has on another. Sometimes we think we can be one kind of person in this part of life, and that kind of person in the other.

But it doesn’t work like that. It is, for instance, impossible to be a ruthless business person at work, and a gentle loving partner at home. Whichever of those personality styles is the most dominant, will spill over into every area of your life. And it’s the same with our health. As much as a positive and joyful attitude boosts your immune system and the wellbeing of your body, so does a fit and well-nourished body promote a calm, confident and happy mind. We need to attend to ourselves as a whole – heart, body, mind, and soul.

When we exercise, we release endorphins which makes us feel good in ourselves and about ourselves.  In turn, this gives us the energy and impetus to meet wholeheartedly any challenges we may face in other areas of our life. Regular exercise improves blood flow to the brain and speeds learning, enabling us to stretch ourselves and meet our emotional needs for achievement, status, and greater purpose. A fit person is  able to recover more quickly from surgery, and exercise is now recommended for cancer patients even during treatment.

What we eat also has a huge impact on our psychological and therefore emotional wellbeing. Many of us in Britain, and the West in general, suffer from “affluent malnutrition” which contributes to anxiety, depression, addictions, and many other conditions; it affects mood and emotional stability, and memory capacity.  A famous Buddhist saying has it that: “Whatever a monk keeps pursuing with his thinking and his pondering, that becomes the inclination of his awareness.” Taking it one step further, many, many years later, the nutritionist guru Patrick Holford said: “You think what you eat.”

A study conducted in 2004, concluded that a staggering 82% of us in the UK become impatient quickly, 64% become anxious easily, 53% become angry easily, 44% suffer from depression, and 43% have difficulty concentrating. This is clearly an unhappy way for us to be living.

From my practise of, and readings about, meditation and its wonderful ability to reduce stress, promote better sleep, develop better relationships, and encourage a calm and content state of mind, I know how important it is for us to train our minds. After all, we wouldn’t expect to have a well-honed body, able to perform at an optimum level, without undergoing a workout programme. But training the mind in isolation is not enough if we want to live a life of psychological and emotional wellbeing; it is vital that we also attend to our nutrition and give ourselves regular exercise.

Recommended reading: “Optimum Nutrition for the Mind” Patrick Holford

To find out how life coaching with Sarah could support you in living a more balanced life, please contact Sarah.

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Five Reasons to Seek Relationship Counselling

Whether you’re married or in a relationship you may find that you are in a situation where life is not going quite as planned.  Some couples find that they are able to talk together to resolve any difficulties, however it may be that your relationship has reached a point where outside professional help can be incredibly helpful.

By contacting an experienced Relationship Counsellor in Surrey, you will be able to explore the issues in your relationship and look at ways of overcoming them.  Make sure that the counsellor that you choose is experienced in this area and is a member of a Counselling Body such as HGI.

There is no perfect answer to recovering a relationship.  Some couples may find, that with all the best counselling in the world, they will not be able to find a happy medium and sort their relationship out.  The best solution may be for you both to go your separate ways. However unless you give Relationship Counselling the opportunity to help you will certainly never know.

Staying Together for the Sake of the Children

Children are intuitive and often understand more than we may think they do. They will quite likely be able to see if there is a problem in your relationship.   Yes, a child does need both parents, and they also need their parents to be able to relate to each other in a respectful and trusting way. Whether you stay together or not is a difficult decision, and it can often be helpful to talk things through with an independent counsellor.

Following an Affair

Whether you were the person who had the affair or you’re struggling following your partner’s affair, this can be a difficult situation from which to recover.  Relationships are all about trust.  Counselling will look to find ways so that you can move forward from this situation and regain a sense of trust between the two of you.

Lack of Communication

Sometimes we can be too close to a situation to see what the real issue is.  It’s at these times that speaking with a neutral person outside of your relationship can be particularly beneficial.  Perhaps your relationship has become more of a friendship rather than a sexual relationship.   Counselling provides a safe environment in which you can both talk about your feelings and thoughts regarding the relationship.

Living in a Negative Relationship

Accusations and negativity within a relationship can be as  damaging as a complete lack of communication.  They often lead to a lack of respect, and respect needs to be the bedrock of any good relationship. Spending time as a couple with an accredited HGI counsellor can give you the opportunity to transform your relationship for the better.

The fizzle Has Gone

Working at a relationship can be extremely difficult.   We all have a different focus in life.  We work in different patterns, have differing needs and wants.  Perhaps you both work in very challenging roles, over long hours.  Demands from a hectic lifestyle and busy family life may mean that you have little, if any, time for the physical side of your relationship.  If you find that the sexual element has gone from your relationship, there’s still hope.  Talking to an experienced counsellor will give you an opportunity to find out what the issue is and to rediscover the sparkle in your relationship.

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Five Stages of Bereavement – How Counselling Helps?

Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult and harrowing experiences to cope with in life.  Bereavement can affect people in any number of ways.

If you’re in Surrey, local specialist bereavement counselling can help you to discover coping mechanisms and gain reassurance following the loss of a loved one.  After a loss you may experience several stages of bereavement, such as denial, anger, wishing it could be otherwise, depression, and acceptance. Being able to talk through  whatever you’re feeling and experiencing with a bereavement counsellor, and to be heard without judgement or criticism can be enormously healing. Your counsellor is there to help guide you to the coping mechanisms that will deal with your individual situation.

It’s important to be kind to yourself.  Some people may find that it’s easy to move on, however others may find it more of a struggle to carry on with life and find inner peace.  Bereavement counselling will gently help to guide you following your loss.  There are five stages of bereavement that most people experience. Sometimes, people move through them sequentially, and others may skip a stage, then return to an earlier stage before moving forward again; it is different for everyone.  An experienced counsellor will help you to recognise how bereavement is affecting your life and show you ways to deal with your feelings.

1.      Denial

Even if you know that someone is incredibly poorly and close to the end of their life, it can be difficult to prepare yourself for their death.  The shock that can be experienced after the loss of a loved one can have a huge impact on your life and your family and is totally understandable.

2.      Anger

When you experience the loss of someone very close to you, your pain and grief may be felt can be felt in many different ways, both emotionally and physically.  This will be entirely individual, often with different family members experiencing different emotions. Some people may cry for days, some may become completely withdrawn, and many will have strong feelings of anger to manage.

3.      Bargaining – wishing it were otherwise

So much can happen so quickly in the days, weeks, and months before your loved one dies. There are often many decisions and adjustments to be made (sometimes very quickly), emotions can be high, and thinking not always at its sharpest. However, in the time after your loved one’s death, there can be all too much time for reflection, and it’s very easy to say to yourself: “if only we had sought a second opinion…”, “if only the doctor had…”, if only the doctor hadn’t…, “if only I had said…” Whether you’ve lost a lifelong partner or someone not quite so close, the loss of that relationship is certain to have left a void in your life.  As you deal with the emotions following their loss, you are likely to find that you may need to find ways to adjust.  This is all perfectly normal, albeit incredibly unsettling.  Talking through your feelings with a counsellor can be very therapeutic; helping you to explore how you’re feeling and how to deal with your emotions.

4.      Depression

People who have been bereaved often find that they are so upset that they can’t sleep, or can’t get out of bed in the mornings, that they lose all motivation to look after themselves or others. Whilst depression can be a natural part of grief, it can be worrying and you may find it helpful to talk these feelings through with an independent counsellor who is able to reassure you and help you move through this stage of bereavement.

5.      Acceptance

If you have just lost a loved one, the idea of life going on as normal may seem a far-off thought.  Your loved one will always remain a part of you, but over time you will find that your life grows around your memories, that you find some inner calm despite your grief, and are able to move forward in your life.

 

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Living one day at a time to combat anxiety

So much of our lives can be spent re-living the past, or in the mists of the future that we don’t really enjoy where we are. As children, we long to be more grown-up, and then we think things will be better once we’ve finished all that study and all those exams, when we have a life-partner, when we get that promotion, that different job, when we have children, when the children are grown up…when we retire. Suddenly we’re old, spending large portions of time in nostalgic reverie and…wishing we were younger!

We could do with remembering the words of Alice Morse Earle: “yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”

If we do, not only will we get vastly more enjoyment out of lives, but it will go a long way to reducing any habit of worrying. Living life in day-size chunks is a great way to contain worry. If we concern ourselves with only what needs to be done today, most things can be endured. And, if we do not allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by fears of, say,  the past repeating itself at some time in the future, we will likely find each of our days being a great deal more productive; paralysing anxieties will dissipate. We do not want to get to the end of our lives, and be able to say the same as Michel de Montaigne: “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

When we dwell on the past, we are much more likely to create similar situations over and over again: our brains work hard to fulfill our expectations. We get more of whatever it is that we focus on. Usually our worries about the future our drawn from our experiences in the past. If we allow ourselves to focus on those, again we are condemning ourselves to repeating that past. To free ourselves, we need to imagine new possibilities, and then consciously let go and focus on the present, on what needs to be done now as a first step towards that newly-imagined possibility.

To find out how Sarah can further help you to combat anxiety, please contact Sarah.

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Telephone: 07912 357 366 Email: swiesendanger@googlemail.com Skype: shaw.wiesendanger Location: Guildford, Farnham, Surrey and surrounding areas
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